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“I spit on the face of the rebels, the rodents, and the cockroaches. The cockroaches and adder are the principalities that have come to planet earth with the sole aim of ruining and puncturing destinies. Liars! I will tread upon you cockroaches with little need for insecticides. You have no place here…Die! Die!! Die!!!” Jesus!! (Ade screamed). Ade, for the umpteenth time, had this rather intense dream which got his bed pitifully soaked. He almost instantly found himself narrating the indeed disturbing dream to his mother who rapidly came to her only son’s aid.
Ade was the only son and infact, he was the only child of his parents. His father was a big pastor in one of the TOP churches situated in Rivers State. His mum, popularly called Mama Ade, was a devout and pious Christian and a role model to a plenitude of Christians and even non-Christians. They were not in the class of Dangote but then they were comfortable with two soft rides, a duplex and a fat bank account. Ade started in the faith, at least up to his secondary school stage, until a twist occurred. I bet you want to find out (winks).              

“Omo Pastor! Omo Pastor!! (Four boys chuckled). Ade, who was in S.S.1, was fed up of people laughing at him simply because he was from a godly background. He wanted it to stop but had thought of no relevant means to go about his extant grief. He thought of informing the Hostel Master (Ade was in boarding school) but was perhaps prudent to decide against it reason being that it will only exacerbate issues and even crown him “OMO PASTOR”. Ade could conveniently be called “A JEW MAN” as he frowned at the every ungodly move brought to the fore by the bad boys of his class. He was undoubtedly a scholar and so, he normally attracted ladies. “Mehn!!! These girls do not even like me but just wish they could guttle my brain”, he thought. He liked a girl badly and of course could not do anything about it. The best he had done was to write her math test for her – a test which found her chilling with 30/30 – but the response he got was insufficient for a boy in love. She was like, “Ade thank you so much, you are the best. God will bless you”. “Seriously?” Ade wept inside. “Does she think that I do not have a trunk load of God’s blessings?” (Ade wondered). Her name was Susan – a short shaped pretty girl blessed with buxom but deprived of the BEHIND. I have this hunch that Ade liked her not because of her telling features but because of her character. Ade always said of her, “There is something queer about her”. As one might expect, Ade was in dire need of a mind blowing apprise. Every one had gotten involved in a relationship, he thought so, so he did not want to be left out (Hmmm!!! What happened to his firm principles and religious concepts?). 

SS3 came, and it was definitely about WAEC for that was the only thing that was feasible due to the huge embarrassment he met with the day he screwed up balls to ask Susan out. He was not going to forget that ‘fuck up’ any time soon (believe me, blood). WAEC, JAMB, POST-UTME was just on point and University of Benin was his final destination. The greater joy of his parents was that their son was a law student. Ade, who was now in his first year, seemed not to hear God’s voice anymore – this was more of a gift he had. Well maybe he did not lose this gift but then, he stopped hearing God’s voice because of the constant blocking of his ears with big headphones pregnant with secular tracks. Ade was unconsciously missing his way. This phase of Ade’s life was the duty period for God and the notorious Devil. It is truism that God gave man a choice and still an axiom that God is a respecter of His word. Due to the extant spiritual challenges Ade was saddled with, God cooked up a plan. The devil on the other hand (the second world) was digging into Ade’s archives and came up with an earthly plan. The devil came up with a viper move, let us see if it struck Ade.

Thursday evenings seemed to have this default precipitation and it was only traditional to find Ade sleeping bare-chested in his room (the popular Hall 4 hostel). This particular evening was different as he lazily laid on his bed lamenting: “Why did Tamera shun me in such an embarrassing manner?” (He thought inwardly). Sukomi, Ade’s new friend, annoyingly disturbed the worried young man’s thoughts by the unwelcomed scream of Ade in perpetuamente. “Ogbeni kilo she?” (Ade frowns).  Ade seemed sick of his friend’s talk but was clearly interested now more than ever at the mention of “Susan”. “Wait… wait! Did you say Susan?” with meteor, Ade gave an apt description of the Susan he once loved (perhaps lust) and Sukomi was nodding his laughable big head. “Omo you sabi this babe be that o!… was she your Signora?” (Sukomi laughs). Usually, Ade was able to sidestep the question and asked almost immediately “so Baba, where is the party holding?” Sukomi told him it was to go down at Ekosodin. He added that there would be a veritable cornucopia of ladies. “Ekosodin? Ish…well I will be there”. On his friend’s exit, Ade was more relaxed on his bed picturing his once loved Susan. He could imagine wide things without the fetter from his roommates who happened to be yet around. He knew that Ekosodin was dangerous as the stories that spread around the campus were too verily to be debunked or given blocked ears. “God knows I have to see Susan tomorrow night. Besides what could she possibly be doing in that forbidden milieu?” (he wondered). Ade seemed to have a non half-baked thought as regards Friday night as he was incontrovertibly venturesome about setting his giant feet at Ekosodin.

Friday night was here, and truly Sukomi was not joking about the party. Ade was sitting on a plastic chair and obviously trying to keep his calm. His eyes moved to and fro – not because he was looking for Susan but because he was feeling the parlous sign of an unhealthy brawl. At this point, he wished he never came. “Yeah my chief, you later cho sha” (Sukomi speaks with a long pipe affixed in between his tiny lips). Ade was at this point disgusted not just at what his friend was doing but because he found Susan giving a huge rough guy her voluptuous figure. She really did not lose her grinding talent. If not for decency’s sake, Ade would have spat on the ground seeing the very few clothes Susan attached to her skin. You may not be incorrect to say that Ade considered her a whore. “I cannot take this thick bullshit. Would it not have been nice to inform me that Susan was a huzzler? But then what is there to expect from a punk head. You are such a stupid and a disgrace to masculinity!” Ade fired these rail words at Sukomi who gave no vexed response either because he was impaired (thanks to a ceaseless gulp of strong drink) or the music was way too high for effective communication. It was 11:45 in the night and so Ade was pacing up to avoid being stopped by EKOSODIN BROTHERS plus he knew that the gate would be locked by 12am. “Hey Ade!” That was definitely a familiar voice – He almost ignored the voice. The loud voice came again and just like a puppet controlled with strings, Ade ran towards the scrumptious voice. She hugged him (he began to wonder if the hug was for real because since secondary school days, she had never been in the absolute happy mood let alone giving him a free bear-hug). They had roughly three minutes unfettered great talk enough to clear the ‘fuck up’ from his emotional skull – the prehistoric wound in his heart dissipated like vapour.

“Who be dis one?” came the first voice. “Omo you get mind o” came the second voice. “Identify yourself” came the last voice. Skinny Ade was sure he was dealing with STRONG MEN. Susan started begging the first guy (the guy she was displaying unspeakable dance moves on) as Ade could, due to fright, pass for a stammerer. “Who you be?” The husky voice became louder. A thunderous slap opened the floor and found Ade in apoplexic stagger. Few stamps followed and a host of kicks. Ade could not fight back as the difference in strengths was like chalk and cheese. All he could do was shout “Mo gbe!”, “Jesus” , “ye!”. Sukomi was not going to watch his friend go down alone and so, he smashed the head of one the three guys. Ade was set to run for his dear life only for one of the STRONG MEN to transfix his rib cage with a whetted knife. Well, the party was long empty.


                   OKOCHA OBED

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                                                                         Gregarious, Shy, and untainted – transparently my life style a decade ago. Indolent or whatever, that is one feature of mine that is a complete stranger to my awesome grades in secondary school days (winks!) taah! Nothing like that!! My usual expression of disgust whenever my peers, back then, weep over a heart break or sing into my skekptical ears “I LOVE HER”.My life, which spanned from the era of sucking mama’s breast to the jss 3 era, was completely void of emotional attachment. I considered this kind of life style the very best. Senior secondary was the phase 2 and I was wholesomely proud to wear my starched white shirt with a well ironed navy blue trouser; it will not be incorrect to say that I wore an apparel of “confidence” due to my ability to stay clear from emotional strings. Frankly speaking, I always saw life as being in tandem with my vehement preaching against teenage love affair (if not for my lazy nature, a profusion of essays would have gone viral) but little did I know that life had plans. O white Jesus! Tell me you get the point. It was no dream blood, cupid struck. Let me put a smile on your face.

It all happened on a Sunday (hmmm!).It was even after service. Due to personal conviction that I was on some awesome outfit, I thought it dope to grin for my camera. Being selective, I wondered about the church building hoping I find a worthy background. I found a background but it had occupants; for I could clearly see two ladies in soft conversation. “Where has she been all my life?” jeez! it is not imprinted in my nature to ponder on things like that but I glaringly did. I watched from a distance and could not help but to expand my eyes. One of the girls struck me – hey! I am so sure about this – plus it took me quite some spent minutes to breathe properly and come to absolute awareness that there was an existing lacuna or gap between my upper lip and lower lip. I managed to say to myself, “wonderfully made”.Sunday night was unusually long and so was my vivid imagination devouring her lips in mine. “aargh! So fast a move”- this I said – she was all in my dream. I wished I gathered sufficient balls that day I saw her with her friend. I regretted. “What could her name possibly be?”

Ever had mushy feelings within you? Guess I am living proof. I felt like my heart was flushed. I could not wait for another Sunday. Gosh! She is so damn fine. Sunday came, I came, and so did a girl wearing a black gown just struggling to lie around her knee region – wow! It was her. I could not focus in church as I used a substantial part of the time to assess all her admirable features. Church was set to close and and I was set to give her a well structured and rehearsed speech. I managed to say “hey” and she looked at me but merely gave a nod. My rehearsed lines failed me and I resorted to using words like “so”, “uhmm”, “well…”. Mehn! She was not even helping matters, she kept a straight face and said scanty things. I got home really moody – did not even eat like I used to. I tried to get over her after all it is just a crush (so I thought). The more I tried to forget her the more I remember her lovely and definitely perfect eyes, juicy lips, killing smile, angelic voice and a lookable body features. All I wanted to do was to know her more for I only knew her name – she is Sarah. I did no rehearsals and waited for yet another Sunday.                                                 
On the third Sunday, I met her and established one or two things. I saw her smile – I struggled to hold back a blush. I got her contact and winked her goodbye. The calling streak was severe but it seemed to me that she liked me a little. We kept getting closer and closer and closer. I saw her in my head perpetually. I kiss her in my dreams every night. I wanted her, I loved her personality; I even loved her obdurate nature. Months past, I admitted my feelings. A couple of months in furtherance rolled by and she did same. We had agreements I.e terms upon which our bonds lies. The closer we got, the more I realised that I am never going to be complete without her. We planned a meeting and we happened to be alone. It was a breezy evening. It was supposed to be our normal meeting but a flavour made this one special – due to the distance that served as a threat – for a second, we were talking about how much we missed each other. She was sitting pretty close to me that out skin contact was inevitable. My heart was seemingly not pumping blood (seemed like it was undergoing several gallops) and I managed to say “I missed you.” My right palm was meticulously placed on her left thigh and she seemed to respond to my every hand action in the affirmative – she had desperation all over her lips (could feel the tense hot air ). Cannot even say what she was saying as I was examining her lips. I drew closer to her and was clearly grabbing her waist to myself like a customer grabbing a ticket to see a movie. Our eyes met and hers gave the approval; our nose met, her head bent sideways and I inserted my tongue in hers. It was all hot passion – I felt a Bluetooth connection from within. She blushed and placed her head on my shoulder. I felt her submission and dedication towards keeping me. I believed instantly that cupid struck both of us and love brought us together. 

Hey! I love you sugar. I have no intention of breaking us now. Want you jealously in my arms, kissing your juicy lips endlessly just like I KISSED YOU.
                         OKOCHA OBED

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Ever had a pistol pointed to your face before? That moment when you realise that you are not Dwayne Johnson or James Bond. Have you ever gotten robbed? If you have, you will agree with me that it leaves you terror-stricken. Well if you have not, there is no problem, guess I will just air “my personal experience with the men in black”.

Home sweet home! I guess that is what you call it. I left for home on Sunday after completing my exams. Home has always been safe, we only got attacks from mosquitoes. Wednesday was hatching, it was a couple of minutes past 2am. My sweet sleep was disturbed by a reiteration, “where my money”? Momma and Poppa all around me and they whisper ROBBERS. The guys with the pistol had now robbed two of my neighbours and you bet my momma, sister and aunt were struggling to have their pantaloon on.

My house was next. They said ‘OPEN’ (like seriously? They just think we will do that?). I closed my eyes but cannot tell you what I seemed pray for. Not because I do not want to disclose it, but because it is now blur in my head. The padlock was AZD security but one strike with a matchet was enough to see my burglary proof accommodating third parties. It was happening live in PH city not Gotham – there was no Batman to save us.

We are all on the ground now. I was not with the rest. I was lying on the floor in my sister’s room while the rest were in the parlour. Cash was taken, three phones and some other shit…then Bingo! I was found by one of them in my sister’s room. I was still flat on the floor before almost immediately, I was told to go and get HIS MONEY. “All of una go just dey chop oil money, oya go bring my money.” The one with the pistol, clearly high on some crack, was not smiling a bit. He hit me once with the hardened palm of his, as I managed to belabour my broke state. I was stripped off my neck chain, and all that mattered to him was, “Na gold? No use me play”. Thought the man with the pistol was through with me, did not know he was keen on having another session. “Oya go bring ya phone”, he stressed. You will definitely want to know what God did here.

I was one hundred percent sure that my phone was on my bed. It became a trying time as it was nowhere to be found. My brains were on the verge of having bullets create a whole or something, but none of that crap happened. Two other guys entered my room and they be shouting “bez let us go!” He left, and so did the rest of the gang. I went back to check my bed, I was amazed to see my phone still on that bed. My dad has his own encounter with the Divine, but this is my story and I can boldly say I am living proof of God’s existence.

Have you ever bothered to check the news? Only a selected few persons are not only enjoying immunity but then, have security men putting on the whole armour of sophisticated weaponry. The less victims, the better. So we need to watch and pray, and try to strengthen the operation of the vigilante group. God is not dead – no doubt blood, but we should try share experiences that matter if we must save the world from similar happenings. For as Martin Luther King Jnr once said, “our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter”.

                            OKOCHA OBED