Women, in different faces and figures, appear to the optically abled person to be of a simple countenance but a microscopic in-depth view at the supposed simplicity of the female gender lies the untold complex nature of a woman. Many persons have canvased on the primary focus “women” and have distinct views. While some argue that women are very simple to be understood, others are of the standpoint that they are complex. I, however, belong to yet another school of thought. It is my belief that women, though not complex entirely, are not all that simple. This could seem ambiguous indeed and in a bid to make it unequivocal, I will like to show appreciation to the logicians who will frown at this universal affirmative statement i.e. that women are creatures that cannot be understood, when there has been a couple of personal experiences with a number of female acquaintances happening to be non-complex after all. I won’t want to leave readers of this piece hanging without expressly reiterating my stand that women are in their nature non-complex. A proper exegesis will be given on the discourse in the subsequent paragraph.
It will not augur well if I barge into reasons for saying women are non-complex without appreciating and admiring the female gender. To be a bit panegyric, women are seen to be a diamond diadem, pearl, and to the extremist, an idol. Gone are the days when all a man could say is that they are the weaker vessel in the all-round sense, because we get to see women in this jet age climbing high up in the ladder and some becoming the bread winner of their homes leaving persons like myself wondering what the husband was doing, but then, coming up with a plausible answer that the man was just indolent. I will however not jeopardize the idea that women are weaker vessels for biblically it was stressed. Women are of the emotional offspring hence they are not generally, persons with alexithymia. Psychiatrists call people with emotional blankness, and flatness, people with alexithymia. It was traced to Greek and it has “a” to mean “lack”, “lexis” for “word” and “thymos” for emotion”; simply put, these are persons with lack of words for their feelings and lack of feelings altogether. From my little knowledge of women, I am left with the opinion that women are not inept when it comes to possessing innumerable emotions emblazoned within them. Easy as it is to say what a man wants, the reverse is the case when talking about the opposite sex. It is a manly desire that his woman be docile i.e easy to control, but then not knowing all a woman wants from a man leaves most men settling under the school of thought that women are complex and hence cannot be understood. In that regard, one can say that they appear complex but then I firmly believe that there are key factors behind the flesh of such complex nature. A man who is emotionally inept and lacks the requisite repertoire in mastering what the woman wants and her modus operandi, will have a couple of words showing disapproval when asked to talk about a woman. A viable reason could be that he lacks the manner of approach, his self-esteem is at a precarious state and placed in a subterranean level, his conversation is so not adept and also that he displays himself as one whose sensitivity level is nothing to write home about. A couple of other factors have not been mentioned but as it all unveils, everything will be brought to bare. It would be injustice for me to move away from the very first few lines in my introduction which underscores that an in-depth study of the female gender lies the untold complexity of these creatures. The first few lines of the exposition of this piece is actually in tandem with my school of thought. For to be limpid enough, I am succinctly saying that women all over the world, though simple in form and looks, are so technical and to a large extent, complex just like the pre-dominant political parties in Nigeria ( PDP and APC) gripping each other’s neck through legal karate and acrobatics in a law court. Thus, the whole idea of “them” being non-complex can be given flesh by noting that women, a meritorious being, can appear complex but with the adequate steps in place and to a man graced with understanding a woman, it is not thus all complex and should not be as well, said to be all simple because no man can envisage all possible events that stems up the amygdala-cortical pathway of a woman and all these gears toward the non-complexity of the female gender.
Having appreciated these creatures in a brief, and married it with my slight ratiocination that they are indeed non-complex; I will be pointing out and examining pertinent factors that could be a possible reason behind the complex demeanor of a woman. One happens to be “manner of approach”. From my limited knowledge on the visible and invisible segments of a woman, I have come to understand that such a guy or man as the case may be, must appear to have an understanding of how to approach a girl. It is indubitable to say that there are innumerable ways a man can get a woman to listen but what is key is “how to listen to a woman” for not stressing this crucifies the central idea of this piece. A host of approaches are unrecognized and unregistered in the brain of a woman. African China, a Nigerian artiste, in one of his songs hammered on these lyrics “if you love somebody, walk up to her and tell her you love her eh”, I most times imagine what the woman would be like. A man a woman does not even know before. One thing is sure; the woman is left ruminating as to whether the man is mentally stable or sound, or anything of the sort. In parts of the world where citizens uphold their legal rights like their life depends on it, the man would, with great meteor, be escorted into a police vehicle on the count of perceived harassment. I will not then say the woman was way too complex for all his supposed good intentions but that the man was of a porous approach. To the lovers of social networking, a man starts up a conversation but what he gets is plenteous cold requires and making it glaring that she is not just in the mood; the man could settle for the fact that she is just so complex but then I would rather he settles for the fact that she was not just in the best of moods as a result of mood swings, a bad day, lack of communication skills from the male counterpart, and the likes. More often than not, the guy tends to keep trying but if he happened to make a devastating first impression, then snubbing will be the order of the day safe for a divine intervention. I noticed, from my innumerable chats and experiences with the female gender, that ladies do not like “pests” i.e a guy that worries them a lot in his quest for obtaining their attention. Pestering a girl involves being too pushy or forward, leaving her with a stark of messages that has its make-up to include the likes of “Hi”, “Hey”, “Are you there?” and so on. In furtherance on their thoughts about pests, we should know that it is not only when the girl is yet to be close to the guy that the tendency of the guy to pester her be in existence for a scenario whereby a young man and a woman become close friends but when the man wants more like in the case of Oliver Twist, it could lead to him being qualified as a pest when after he proposes to her at short intervals- not all ladies want a man as a boyfriend or a lover. Flowing still from the above, a probable follow-up will be the ladies response which could be an outburst of malediction for we know that when a woman hoards a lot in her mind she might find issues in reconstructing the words in the neo-cortex but then the amygdala (part of the brain concerned with emotions) will in its form be unveiled during her heated dialogue with the “Pest” in question leaving such a man or pest, as the case may be, becoming part of the increasing male generation that buys the idea that a woman is so complex and cannot be understood. Since we have a mountain to climb, a run-away from the first factor i.e. manner of approach, would just do well. The next area worth considering, is the man with a low self-esteem.
A plethora of cases have evinced that guys with low self-esteem easily throw in the towel when they are supposed to be conveying their intimate and deep intentions to the lady in question. For vivid comprehension on what this is all about, it is paramount I describe what self-esteem is all about. Self-esteem describes a person’s overall sense of self-worth of personal value. It is either a man has a low self-esteem, which is our primary focus, or a high self-esteem. I was having a conversation with a female friend of mine about her take on girl’s concern over a guy with low self-esteem and she made mention of something catchy – she stressed that self-esteem or no self-esteem, a good person is always welcome, leaving smiles all over my face, and broadening my extant limited knowledge on the internal workings of a woman. To flow from the point made, it could therefore be viewed that a man with low self-esteem can still be likeable. I am not going to say she ain’t got a point but let us not forget where I am coming from, I am of the opinion that a man with low self esteem could really be met with extreme difficulties if he so wishes to woo a girl. You bet it can be rectified, which begs the question “but how?” A popular movie released years back titled “She is out of my League” evinced the low self-esteem folks managing their own melancholy simply because they had their self-worth at the bearest all time low and a zero confidence in themselves making them see the ladies as say way “too hot” or as ladies not in their league. It is in this respect that I feel guys in this gateway i.e. the low self-esteemed persons, should be pensive and subject themselves to a self-examination for these guys more often than not do not think the beautiful girls are approachable though they find themselves in dreamland desiring such ladies. What I think could bring about the whole talk of complexity is the ineptness of communication skills between a guy with low self-esteem and his wanted hottie. In such a dialogue, it is all going to get awkward for he will most likely speak gibberish or have nothing to come up with hence leaving him blank. The lack of rudimentary communication skill between a man and woman brings about difficulty in making a point and this is common among persons with low self-esteem for they basically do not know how to communicate with the opposite sex making it all complex and onerous.
Another key factor that leaves us with the whole assumption that women are complex and cannot be understood could first boil down to the insensitive nature a man possesses in relation to a woman. I want to believe that a large chunk of men subscribe to the complexity idea and the incomprehensive nature of a lady as a result of their past experiences with a lady they have parted with. I am no authority when it comes to women affairs but I like to uphold the opinion that women are pretty much emotional beings and could therefore appear complex and difficult just like a mathematical problem poses bizarre to a gigantic number of art students. However, a man that is sensitive can hear, smell and feel a large amount of emotional triggering that flows from a woman hence giving way to a man of understanding. This is not to say that the fact that a sensitive man can understand a woman to a fair degree, makes the woman not to be a complex being but then that she is no longer as complex as she would have appeared if he was insensitive, and she would not be said to be simple since he cannot possibly envisage all eventualities and reactions she could show. Men that subscribe to the idea that women cannot be understood must have said so for a bunch of reasons, and in a bid not to criticize any school of thought, I will like to say that some men that buy the idea that they are complex-women that cannot be understood are men with a fall out with diverse women they have gotten to know up close but due to their ineptness and emotional maladroit, they do not sense anger, sadness and the likes in the women they once mingled with.
It would be an affront or slight on the face of the complexity of a woman’s school of thought if, though taking a different view, I fail to concur with them that there are cases where it is way too lucid that we are dealing with a patently obvious complex woman. It could play out in a couple of ways and by this, I mean there are reasons for it being so. A mastery of the reason why a woman responds in a manner perpetually repelling and stagnant would lift the burden of the untold complex nature but then the complex nature seems to be far-fetched. To be transparent enough, it should be as an eye opener that we have two pre-dominant kinds of women namely the “popular” and “unpopular”. We do not get to see complexity as such in the popular women, the popular women are women with emotional intelligence, they are the extroverts, the easy going ladies with less worry, the very much jovial types. With this class of women, there need not be much of a complexity for they are easily open unlike the other class which is the unpopular women. The unpopular women are those who are not garrulous but are mostly taciturn and reserved. The woman who has lost all her family in a fatal accident is of high tendency to be alone not wanting to mix with the outside world, a victim of rape or what is worse – a gang bang- will want to be alone feeling less human and as Daniel Goleman, author of “Emotional Intelligence” will put it, they are prone to ill health, depression, to mention a few. Without much ado, a conscious look at my ratiocinations evinces that unpopular women have this likelihood to wear a garment of complexity. Whilst it is easy to strike a conversation with a popular lady, it is with an unpopular lady an onerous task likened to the Camel passing through the eye of a needle. A victim of rape would want to hold the opinion so tightly that all men are beasts and could develop hatred for anything masculine. These kind of unpopular ones could still be understood for one thing is key – they are of the belief that they have lost their place on planet earth and ought to be exterminated to the world beyond; but a conscious step of showing care and being readily available to such a lady could get her to ruminate and leave her in a dilemma as to whether she should avoid you because of her unfortunate history with the “man” that raped her or whether she should watch you more closely. To talk from my experience with unpopular ladies and to be parochial, the ones that have been raped, I have come to understand that what a woman or lady really wants is to talk to someone but most times turn off the thoughts so that such persons they tell won’t take advantage of them or treat them like they are garbage. I do not belong to the school thought that change it not constant for I have been able to hear a lot of girl’s story and help them believe someone cares after all. I will not want to say that it is going to be a change i.e. from the unpopular to the popular but then, they could leave the unpopular and be left in the middle stage where they do not get to think all the time that the ground wants to swallow them; but that they can smile, laugh and live a somewhat normal life. It is never easy, believe me, to have a lasting conversation with the unpopular women but I would advise that a step be taken at a time; for any rush would be putting square pegs in round holes hence a breach of procedures. Always give her that time to think, to trust a man again, because it is something seemingly impossible. Flowing from this, I believe that even the unpopular women could still be understood to a reasonable degree and I am not promising that it is going to be expeditious but then with a painstaking approach, it won’t be a rough landing.
From all issues raised and tackled, I believe that with unspeakable concession, the rationale behind my stand that women can be understood is valid and can be attested to. It should be known now that I am not trying to attenuate other school of thoughts but rather, craving the indulgence of readers not be myopic on my take and ratiocinations in this moot point.
Whilst I look forward to wrapping up this simple precept, it is good we get to know what a woman wants from the opposite sex deep down her emotional pathway. Indeed, the female gender poses complexity for as a female friend of mine will say, the average woman was designed to be complex. Another female friend of mine said the same to my ears; she was of the view that though they seem complex, with the right attunement with their emotional dynasty, they open up (making them not to be uncomprehending after all), which is also my belief. There are lots of qualities women look out for in a man that can appeal to their emotions. To flow from experiences with ladies and some men and even a website i.e. lovepanky.com, there are the do’s and dont’s that either may or mar a friendship between contrasting genders which include – sense of humor, intelligence, support, self -worth, focused goals, great imagination, compassion and self-integrity. The qualities highlighted are what a woman looks out for in a man amongst other things. A man with good sense of humor is very adroit when it comes to keeping a close relationship with a woman and can understand her after a while since she would most likely be open to him if he gets to possess other salient captivating and mind blowing qualities such as care for the woman, a listening ear, and so on. Without need to belabor on self-worth, which we have treated earlier, I will like to stress that there are dont’s as well. Some of which are lack of self-esteem, negativity, lack of confidence, laziness, insecurity, lack of trust, self-oriented behavior, to mention a few. I am not trying to say that one must be a perfectionist in order to be in that position where he could boast of understanding his woman or a woman – since the whole talk is not streamlined to spouses or those in relationships – but then building the former would not only help the relationship with one’s woman or the rapport between contrasting genders, but will help the man to grow in all ramifications especially with respect to his sensitivity in his dealings with the opposite sex. This will make a man’s mentality change from, ‘women are finicky’ , to, ‘women are non-complex’ , since they can be understood. This can be explained with an analogy – a mathematics textbook or physics formulas could be very complex and a hard nut to crack but then when one has gained understanding of the whole thing then it would be said to be non-tasking. This is not to say that mathematics has lost its complexity but then the fact that it can be understood makes it non-complex and to reiterate, I mean it is though not simple and yet not as complex as people stress it when I talk about it being non-complex.
In conclusion, having relied on Daniel Goleman’s book “Emotional Intelligence” which is a rarist, my limited knowledge, opinion of my colleagues and well-wishers, I leave this piece as a food for thoughts in the hearts of readers that indeed, a woman is a non-complex being and can be understood to a reasonable degree. To talk from my purview of women affairs, though not an authority, I will humbly submit that a thorough perusal at this piece and an abiding of a chunk of it will not leave one in shucks for deep down in a woman’s heart, there is a desire that she be understood but how to go about it, on the part of the men, brings complexity.